Whole-Brain
Parenting
Engaging the
Brain for Optimal Development
On any given day, we may experience moments of high emotion
in reaction to an event, or we find ourselves trying to control everyone and
everything around us. Either way, our mental well-being is in danger,
especially if we find ourselves stuck in either scenario for long. It can be
difficult for children
to
get unstuck without some help from a parent or other adult. To give children
the support they need when faced with this, parents must have a basic
understanding of their child’s brain development.
By incorporating this knowledge into interactions, parents can support children
in learning and growing through a whole-brain approach.
To help us get a clear understanding of how these two
extreme reactions
can
present in children,” Dr. Daniel Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson created the
concept of the “river of well-being” in the book “The Whole-Brain Child.” Along
the river of well-being, there are two banks: the “bank of chaos” located in
the right brain, and “the bank of rigidity” located in the left brain.
The bank of chaos focuses on emotions rather than the
content of an event. This side also receives input from the primitive
“downstairs brain,” which, combined, creates strong feelings related to
experiences and relationships. The waves of these intense emotions can lead to
feeling overwhelmed or out of control. Up to about the age of 3 years old, children
are
primarily functioning from the right side of their brain. Due to their lack of
language development, getting stuck on the “bank of chaos” can often happen. As
children get older, they can better express themselves; however, the
underdevelopment of the logical, “upstairs brain”
still makes it difficult for them to avoid getting stuck on the right side.
On the left side of the “river of well-being” is the “bank
of rigidity.” This side is very literal and creates structure in our minds.
When children start asking “why,” parents will know the “left brain” has begun
to respond. And while this integration is good, children that become emotionally
overwhelmed can find themselves stuck on this bank where they become too
literal and lose view of the whole picture. They will then avoid the strong
feelings and end up in an “emotional desert.” When this happens, children will
appear distant
and
say things such as “I don’t care” because they only hear the words and ignore
non-verbal cues. This response makes them less willing to cooperate.
When children get stuck on either side of the river of
well-being, parents must be attuned and
respond accordingly. The SKILLZ Child Development approach helps parents implement the best
tactic when faced with this. By applying the Parent SKILLZ techniques, parents connect with their children, are patient in responding, and nurture appropriate responses. Since during an
emotional flood is not the time to insert logic, parents should “connect to the
right” by validating their child’s emotions and helping them calm down. Once the child is more relaxed, then
parents can “redirect
to the left” and help the child brainstorm
more logical reactions.
By promoting horizontal integration between the right and
left sides of the brain, parents can create a more harmonious arrangement from
which children can learn and grow. Understanding that the brain is influenced by the way we
parent can help create opportunities for more vital brain coordination. This
leads to healthier brain development and fosters a strong parent-child bond and
leads to happier children.
