Parent SKILLZ - Adaptability - Adaptability is about how you respond to your child, especially when things do not go as planned.
Adaptability
Intrinsic Motivation:
1.
Choices
What do you do if your child does not want to do something?
You can intrinsically motivate them by allowing them to make
choices or small decisions. Before I began
using healthy competition to encourage my child to brush his teeth, I had to physically
put the toothbrush in his mouth and brush for him. I eventually realized that I had to adapt
differently because it was not working. He needed to learn to brush
himself.
I took him to the store and let him pick out 2 toothbrushes
to get him more interested in brushing his own teeth. Being adaptable meant giving him some choices
so he felt more involved and motivated. Now he has 24 toothbrushes!
If your child is a picky eater, try giving them choices
about what you buy at the grocery store for dinner. Let them pick if they want chicken or steak,
for instance. Then, pick out a couple of
good options and let them pick again.
Now they have a vested interest in the meal. Finally, get them involved in making dinner,
emphasizing that they helped to pick out the food that is being served for
dinner. Take it a step further and work
on creating a recipe together.
2.
Make it Exciting
Build up the excitement when you want or need your child to
do something. If you tell a bunch of 7
to 9-year-old children to do push-ups, for example, do you think they will be
excited? Instead, if you give them
options and motivated instructions, they will excel.
Do you think they would rather do just a few push-ups or
would they do more if you told them that they would become “one of the most
awesome and strong students in class!” by doing a few more? Chances are that they will choose to become
awesome and strong. This type of intrinsic
motivation excites them to make an extra effort.
3.
Compromise
Another form of adaptability through intrinsic motivation is
compromising when responding to your child’s requests. If your child comes home from school and
wants a treat, but you want him to wait for dinner first, they may throw a
temper tantrum or get upset because they didn’t get their way.
Providing a compromise that doesn’t affect their appetite
before dinner but allows them to get what they want keeps the situation in
perspective. For example, let them know
that they can have two gummy bears out of the bag now, and the rest after
dinner. This is a way to adapt to their
request and keeps within your rules about not eating snacks that will spoil
their appetite for dinner.
Extrinsic Motivation
4.
Kids Like to See You Suffer!
Sometimes you need to pull out the pain card! Kids like to
see you suffer or pay the price in some way.
You may use an extrinsic motivation such as, “If you can do this drill
without any mistakes, I’ll do push-ups!”
They want to see you suffer through the push-ups, and they will do
whatever it takes to make you have to do them.
I use this concept with my son. If he starts to procrastinate just as we are
headed out the door, I use healthy competition and extrinsic motivation to get
him moving! I tell him that if he runs to the car faster than me, I’ll do ten
jumping jacks. He wins the race every
time because he really wants me to do the jumping jacks. Then, he counts everyone one of them off as I
do them. Being an adaptable parent means using external motivation when
necessary.
As you consider your level of adaptability today, ask
yourself if you ever apply similar intrinsic or extrinsic motivation to your
child. If not, consider adding them to
your parenting tool kit. Your child’s
behavior will change based on their mood, so the best way to parent is to adapt
to their day as best as possible.
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